England v West Indies – as it happened


Preamble Morning. Everybody loves being at home. You have your favourite chair, , and you don't get judged. This allows you to unashamedly release your inner moron, whether it's by practising your falsetto in the shower, sculpting a Ferris Bueller mohican, frat-humouring yourself, watching Police Academy 6 seven nights in a row, or falling asleep during Police Academy 6 and waking up in a pool of your own drool. You can even prance around naked if you want. In theory. You got nuthin on me, officer.

After a frequently chastening winter, England are back at home – on their manor, on their patch – where they have been almost unbeatable under Andy Flower: their Test record in England since he took over in 2009 is P20 W14 D4 L2.

The highlight of the summer is the series against South Africa, the thought of which is already making grown men tingle almost as much as the new Beach House album. Before that we have 977 Fifty50 and Twenty20 matches, and first this three-match Test series against a promising but ultimately inadequate West Indies side. Only two higher powers – the weather and Shivnarine Chanderpaul – can realistically stop England winning 3-0. After performing heroically on dead pitches all winter, England's magnificent seam attack should seriously enjoy the green, green grass of home.

An early email from Andy Wilson at Lord's "Cloudy, as you're obviously aware. Scorecard has Finn on it as third seamer, and Samuels at six in a Windies team with four seamers and no Shillingford. The new Investec sponsorship means free cuddly zebras in the press box. England in huddle now, looks like Boycott presenting Bairstow with his cap."

That's a nice touch. I hope somebody has a photo of Selve cavorting with the zebras.

The bit where we tell you what England need to do in this series to stay top of the ICC Test rankings They need to win the series. Any margin will do.

England have won the toss and will bowl first. Andrew Strauss thinks there's a bit of juice in the wicket, and it's overcast as well. If it swings, England could be batting by tea. Eldine Baptiste Tim Bresnan is preferred to Steven Finn and Graham Onions, while Jonny Bairstow makes his debut. West Indies have a debutant, too, with the Trinidadian fast bowler Shannon Gabriel coming in for the injured Ravi Rampaul. They have omitted their spinner Shane Shillingford.

If only England were good enough to be able to leave out a bowler as good as Steven Finn, eh?

England Strauss (c), Cook, Trott, Pietersen, Bell, Bairstow, Prior (wk), Bresnan, Broad, Swann, Anderson.

West Indies Barath, Powell, K Edwards, Darren Bravo, Chanderpaul, Samuels, Ramdin (wk), Sammy (c), Gabriel, Roach, F Edwards.

Get your good deed for the day out the way by 11am, thus allowing you to behave like an oaf for the remainder of Thursday 17 May 2012 Eleanor Ward, one of the original OBOettes back in 1974 or whenever this thing of ours started, is running 10k on 10 June in support of St Christopher's Hospice. .

10.47am "After eight months of racism rows, twitter rants, subs refusing to warm up, England managers being given a kicking before they've played a game, Kenny Dalglish being a grumpy old man and Joey Barton, it's nice to jump into the warm comforting embrace of England's first test of the summer," says Adrian Foster. "Important things first......How bright is Andrew Strauss's cap on that photo?!"

It's scientifically proven that the world is a Better Place when Test cricket is being played. If Freddy Krueger had loved cricket, none of that slicing-and-dicing business would have happened.

10.54am "In view of your preamble, what's the most eccentric/deviant habit OBO readers have when they are alone behind closed doors?" wonders Paul Lacey. I've heard some of them actually read the Guardian. I know.

10.58am "My dad died last Saturday from a very rare liver cancer that is only normally found in West Indian men," says Matt Taylor. "He wasn't West Indian and didn't like cricket but could you please post a link to his as their nurses provide free care for cancer sufferers and they are absolutely amazing people." Of course. Really sorry to hear that, Matt.

1st over: West Indies 4-0 (Barath 4, Powell 0) The usually quiet Jimmy Anderson gives a team talk in the England huddle and then takes possession of the nice new ball. The Lord's scoreboard has the wrong Kieron – it says Pollard, rather than Powell. It's Adrian Barath to face first, though, and after leaving a few outswingers he drives crisply through the covers for four. Good shot. The next ball, much shorter, swerves back viciously to hit Barath in the chest. "When I'm alone in the privacy of my own home (it happens more often than you think)," begins Matt Turland, "I look outside my bedroom window imagining how my life would have panned out if I was a close friend of Gary Naylor."

2nd over: West Indies 4-0 (Barath 4, Powell 0) On Sky the two Michaels, Atherton and Holding, concur that this is a bat-first pitch – a belter, in essence – but that the overhead conditions made England want to bowl. The ball is certainly swinging, and England are bowling a very full length. Broad's line to the left-handed Powell wasn't quite right in that over though, and it's a maiden.

"Eccentric habits," says Anil Haji. "Not me, of course, but I've heard that some people, while watching cricket on TV at home by themselves, will try to duplicate the successful batting strokes seen on screen with an imaginary bat, picturing themselves scoring that self-same boundary to the rapturous applause of their countrymen. Again, not me, of course."

3rd over: West Indies 8-0 (Barath 8, Powell 0) Barath is beaten by a gorgeous outswinger from Anderson, the sort of outswinger you'd happily take home to meet your Ma. Barath is not intimidated by the swing, however, and when Anderson overpitches slightly he spanks a glorious cover-drive for four. There won't be many better or more emphatic shots than that today.

"Eldine Baptiste!" shouts Nick Parish. "That brings back memories of my first ever test series, watching all the West Indian batsman flog our attack all around the park, followed by Dujon, Baptiste and Holding just piling Pelion on Ossa. And that was before Marshall and Garner had even bowled a ball. If you thought you had it hard growing up in the early 90s, imagine how hard it was with the Windies of the early 80s. Mind you, at least we generally had the consolation of thumping the Aussies – something you could almost take for granted in those days. What ever happened to Andrew Hilditch, anyway?" He became chairman of selectors, didn't he? For those who don't get the reference, .

4th over: West Indies 8-0 (Barath 8, Powell 0) Powell has been strokeless thus far, content to adjust to the conditions, and that means another maiden from Broad. "Paul Lacey 10:54 wants to know what eccentric/deviant habits OBO readers have. Let me think adults, mainly men, sitting alone in front a computer what could they be doing that is deviant or eccentric," says Robert James. "You're not going to be able to print many of these are you."

5th over: West Indies 8-0 (Barath 8, Powell 0) The beauty of Anderson is that he can swing it both ways almost at will and with no discernible change in action. A couple of length induckers hit Barath high on the leg, and then he is beaten by a cracking lifter. The next ball is another inswinger that slams into the back pad, prompting a big shout for LBW. It looked a touch high, so England don't really consider a review. Replays show it was indeed going over the top. That was a high-class maiden from Anderson, who deservedly won England's Player of the Year award earlier in the week. "For anyone who's heard Viv Richards on the radio this morning but not seen him, you won't be aware of just how cool he's looking in a flat cap," says Andy Wilson. Ah, they've just cut to him in the commentary box, and he does look as cool as ever. Viv could even make this look cool.

6th over: West Indies 12-0 (Barath 8, Powell 4) Kieran Powell gets off the mark from his 16th delivery, flicking a poor delivery from Broad to the fine-leg boundary. Broad hasn't quite got his line right this morning. A combination of swing, the Lord's slope and bowling to a left-hander won't have helped.

"I can't help but will the Windies on to a decent total here, and not just because I'm going both days at the weekend," says Piers Barclay. "They must be everyone's second favourite team… wish Gayle and (other) Bravo were here – then we might be in for a really serious series. As it is, I think their bowling attack might surprise us."

Yep. Kemar Roach is a serious prospect, and Fidel dwards will always be dangerous. Darren Sammy should also be handy over here: he took a seven-for on debut at Old Trafford in 2007. It's also true that most people want the Windies to do well. With a few, very hostile exceptions, their 1980s side is almost universally loved. At least that's how it feels. And that's very unusual, because greatness usually breeds resentment.

7th over: West Indies 12-0 (Barath 8, Powell 4) The openers haven't rotated the strike in this innings, which has allowed Anderson to really work on Barath. Barath is coping pretty well, however, and it's another maiden.

In other news, this is a brilliant email from Steven Pye. This is the kind of eccentric nonsense that makes the world a better place. "I have a tradition that on the first morning of the first English test of the summer that I always eat a Toblerone," says Steven. " I'm not sure how it started but I've been doing this since 1994. A work colleague asked me this morning if I do it for every Test of the summer. I looked at him in total shock and told him 'No, that would just be odd'. When I told my wife of this habit (after about four years of marriage) all the life seemed to drain from her face."

8th over: West Indies 13-0 (Barath 8, Powell 5) If Broad doesn't get it right in this over I'd axe him from the team and never play him again probably get Bresnan on. West Indies are playing this pretty well – they know the first session will probably be tougher than the second and third combined, so they are largely content with survival. There have been very few attacking strokes all morning – probably no more than five in 48 deliveries. Powell rotates the strike for the first time with a single off the final ball.

"Re Paul Lacey 10:54 – how about dancing to the theme to "Blockbusters" in the nude?" says Paul Billington. "I was obviously very, very alone that evening the other week. What made it even sadder was that it was only an advert so didn't even get to hear the whole glorious rendition." Yes, yes officer, we do have his IP address.

WICKET! West Indies 13-1 (Powell b Anderson 4) What a masterful piece of bowling from Jimmy Anderson. He is just too good. He set Powell up with a number of outswingers, the last of which went past the edge of an attempted drive. Anderson followed that with a big inswinger; Powell shaped to leave, then tried to play – but he was too late and the ball roared back to smash into the outside of off stump. Majestic stuff from Anderson.

9th over: West Indies 13-1 (Barath 8, Edwards 0) The new batsman is Kirk Edwards, who has a Test average of 50.54. He survives a huge LBW shout first ball from a monstrous inswinger. Did it do too much? It doesn't matter, because England have decided not to review. Replays show that it was swinging down the leg side. Meanwhile, if the full, Pulitzer-winning description of that wicket hasn't appeared, press F5. We have a problem with the auto-refresh. "Why do people talk of 'work' colleagues (Steven Pye, over 7)?" says Paul Keeling. "What other sort of colleague is there?"

10th over: West Indies 19-1 (Barath 13, Edwards 0) The first ball of Broad's fifth over is a swinging, half-volley that Barath blazes through the covers for four more. The last ball swings away to find the edge, and it falls a fraction short of Anderson at third slip. "I'm really hoping the toblerone eaten by Pye is one of 400g bars and not the pathetic snack size?" says Andrew Robson. "And dark chocolate or fruit and nut! I'm doing that next year!"

11th over: West Indies 21-1 (Barath 13, Edwards 0) Another huge inswinger from Anderson flies down the leg side, and Prior leaps high to his left to save a boundary. Barath then survives consecutive LBW appeals after being beaten by the swing. Both looked too high. "If you're a professional, let's say a renal specialist, you may refer to other renal specialists as your colleagues, even if they're based in the next town or on the other side of the world," says Claire Struthers, who may or may not be a renal specialist. "A work colleague is someone in the same professional field AND who works with you." So what's a homey? And what do you call someone if they're a (work) colleague, a housemate, a lover and a nemesis all at once?

12th over: West Indies 21-1 (Barath 13, Edwards 0) Stuart Broad is replaced by Tim Bresnan, who is seeking his 12th win in 12 Tests. There's swing to Edwards straight away, but it's pretty gentle stuff. A maiden. The West Indies batsmen have played responsibly, almost to the point of strokelessness.

"I read an excellent science fiction short story donkeys' years ago wherein a fellow in an apartment in somewhere like New York bought a curious telescope that allowed him to see into the apartments opposite," says Stephen Daenport. "He was startled by and scoffed at the peculiar goings-on of the occupants (like bizarre rites and strange worship of alien gods) but the telescope was unreliable and he had to get up to all sorts to make it work. Long story short, the end of the tale was his view through the telescope of a man in an apartment, naked, standing on his head and peering through a telescope… followed by a large eye winking at him. It feels like it should have been by Robert Sheckley. It's unlikely I know, but can anyone confirm or refute?" That sounds like the best film David Lynch and Alfred Hitchcock never co-directed.

13th over: West Indies 25-1 (Barath 17, Edwards 0) There's a short delay as Anderson cleans some mud from his shoes. Surely he should have a flunky to do that? I'd love to have a flunky. When he resumes, Barath times a defensive push down the ground for four. That was a lovely stroke. He's got a bit of an ugly technique, Barath – he gets square on and has a bit of an Eoin Morgan-like downward press – but his talent has never been in doubt.

"Why do people talk of 'work' colleagues?" wonders Dafydd Thomas. "Because it's a lot politer than referring to them as a bunch of stunning mediocrities who you have to share oxygen with for eight and a bit hours a day." You've worked with Jacob Steinberg too? Honk!

14th over: West Indies 26-1 (Barath 17, Edwards 0) "Great venue this," says Bumble on Sky. "Bit posh round here though..." Surely Bumble could make a guest appearance on Made In Chelsea. Another quiet over from Bresnan, just a leg bye from it.

"Obviously colleagues can be fellow-members of a team which isn't work-related, such as a pub cricket outfit, an am-dram group, a regular drinking posse etc," says John Starbuck. "I do agree that the word is overused for the workplace but that's just management-speak fashions. I remember when our work colleagues used to be called Comrades." Aren't the aforementioned just teammates and/or partners in self-loathing?

WICKET! West Indies 32-2 (K Edwards LBW b Anderson 1) More brilliant bowling from Anderson. He's making the ball talk. Edwards had little idea against the moving ball and was put out of his misery by a fuller delivery that swung in just a touch to hit him on the pad as he whipped across the line. File that one under plumb and plumber.

15th over: West Indies 32-2 (Barath 21, Darren Bravo 0) "In answer to this morning's question, my whole life is either a bundle of eccentricities or I'm a straight laced, middle-class, middle-aged chap who works in the public sector and lives in the burbs with his wife and kids," says Tim Ward. "Cuts both ways I reckon."

16th over: West Indies 32-2 (Barath 21, Darren Bravo 0) After a few length deliveries, Bresnan draws Barath into the drive with a fuller outswinger that zips past the edge. Bresnan has started with three consecutive maidens. "My colleague and I share an office with another small company," says Lorraine Reese. "I refer to them as my non-colleagues."

17th over: West Indies 38-2 (Barath 21, Darren Bravo 6) Darren Bravo dangles his bat at a wide, full delivery from Anderson, edging it right through the vacant fourth-slip area for four. The next ball hits the face of the bat as he tries to leave at the last minute, bouncing short of third slip. That's the end of Anderson's ninth over, so he'll need a rest soon.

"Welcome back. you're being very very quiet about your 'deviant' habits (chocolate-related or otherwise), or pre-match rituals," says Danielle Tolson. "Hope you had a nice break – is it safe to ask what you got up to?" Break! Ha!

18th over: West Indies 38-2 (Barath 21, Darren Bravo 6) A lovely leg-side take from Prior saves four leg byes. This is where it all started for him, against the West Indies in Lord's in 2007. His improvement in those five years, particularly with the gloves, has been outstanding. Another maiden from Bresnan, whose figures are not the sort you see often these days: 4-4-0-0. There have been 10 maiden this morning. "Wish I had a work colleague (been out of work now for a month) still, get to watch the cricket on the telly rather than just read the OBO drival," high-fives Andy Moss.

19th over: West Indies 45-2 (Barath 25, Darren Bravo 7) Broad comes on for Anderson (9-4-23-2), and Bravo crunches him through the covers for three. That brings Barath on strike – and he slams another cracking drive for four, this time through point. He has mixed defence and attack really well this morning.

20th over: West Indies 47-2 (Barath 26, Darren Bravo 10) Bravo edges Bresnan on the bounce to Anderson in the slips; then Barath is beaten by an absolute jaffa, a swinging lifter from wide on the crease.
"I'm going along tomorrow, with two mates why are pretty much cricket virgins," says Samuel Fox. "As such, I'm looking for made-up regulations and practices I can dupe them with? Any suggestions from OBO readers?" Well you've already convinced them your name is actually Sam Fox, so anything after that should be easy.

21st over: West Indies 55-2 (Barath 34, Darren Bravo 10) Barath steers a thick edge through the slips for four, despite an excellent attempt to save the boundary from all-action superhero Jimmy Anderson. This has been a really good innings from Barath. You expect 21st-century West Indian openers on their first tour of England to flash and walk by midday, but he has played nicely. Saying which, he has a big flash from Broad's last ball, with the ball flying between slip and gully for four. Broad has the face on.

"I always felt uneasy when my manager addressed me and others as "colleagues"," says Gary Naylor. "I always felt like responding, "Yeah - when we've your bonus, pension, perks etc. then we'll be colleagues" But what are the alternatives? "Co-workers"? "Employees"? "People"? The all-purpose and gender unspecific Australian use of "Guys" is one I favour, but even that isn't quite right is it? What do you think, Matey Boy?"

Urgh. I'm not quite sure why, but 'guys' in this context is almost as big a squirm-inducer as the word 'moist'. I blame Phoebe from Friends.

22nd over: West Indies 61-2 (Barath 34, Darren Bravo 12) A delivery from Bresnan swings after passing the bat and goes through Prior for four. England haven't bowled that well this morning, Anderson excepted, although that can happen in the first Test of the summer. "You're right there, I'm not a renal specialist - just picked that cos it sounded posh," says Claire Struthers. "I'm a journalist colleague of yours, but as I don't work for the Grauny, I'm not a work colleague." So what's an elf?

23rd over: West Indies 65-2 (Barath 38, Darren Bravo 12) That's another storming cover drive for four from Barath. He holds the pose at the end of his follow through, and Broad skulks back to his mark with the face on.

"Saw my first Test against the windies at Lords in '91," says Paddy Blewer. "I thought I remembered it perfectly, but then looking on Cricinfo, there's a guy at No11 for Windies called Ian Allen. No biog. I have no idea who he was, as my memory is framed by my 11-year-old self actually bumping into Curtly and having to crane my neck up to squeak and apology. He was very cool and grinned a 'no problem' at me. Anyone know who Allen was?"

He was one of two young fast bowlers picked for the tour (the other was Hamish Anthony I think). He took a few wickets actually, although I can't remember much about him. . That match was memorable, of course, for from Carl Hooper and Robin Smith – and for some little brat bumping into Curtly Ambrose, according to Wisden.

24th over: West Indies 70-2 (Barath 38, Darren Bravo 17) Bravo started nervously but looks pretty comfortable now. When Bresnan strays onto the pads Bravo demonstrates his abundant talent with a beautifully timed clip off the thigh for four. "'Guys' is nauseating," says Michael Gorman, "but not quite as offensive as addressing co-workers as 'people' – as in 'Listen up, people, blah bloody blah'." The phrase 'listen up' isn't exactly a harmony-creater, either.

25th over: West Indies 74-2 (Barath 38, Darren Bravo 21) Graeme Swann comes into the attack. His second ball is too short and Bravo rocks back to flash a cut for four.

"Is there any player who's had a greater geeky-first-name-cool-surname discrepancy than Darren Bravo?" says Dennis Johns. "Dwayne Bravo sounds like he hangs with Dan Dare; Darren Bravo sounds like the one who has to stay at the base to do computer stuff." I don't know about cricket, but if you extend to all sports there was a decent contender in the Leeds United team of the 1960s: .

26th over: West Indies 75-2 (Barath 39, Darren Bravo 21) Barath survives a huge shout for LBW after playing across a full delivery from Bresnan. Aleem Dar thought about it for a long time, and England decided not to review. Bresnan had jumped wide on the crease so it might have been slipping down leg. Hawkeye shows it was clipping the outside of leg stump, so we would have stayed with the on-field call anyway. "The debate's a bit irrelevant for me, as none of my colleagues like cricket," says Dave Espley. "One of my subordinates, does though."

27th over: West Indies 77-2 (Barath 40, Darren Bravo 22) A beautiful quicker ball from Swann almost traps Bravo, who gets the latest of inside-edges onto the pad. He would have been plumb. "Sorry, not convinced," says Paul Keeling. "According to the OED, a colleague is 'one who is associated with another (or others) in office employment', so 'work' is a supernumerary word and my sharing a profession with Joanne Bloggs doesn't necessarily make us colleagues." This one could limp and limp.

28th over: West Indies 81-2 (Barath 40, Darren Bravo 26) Bravo is playing with easy authority and pushes Bresnan through mid off for four. We should have time for one more over before lunch. "Re: Michael Gorman in over 24. Using the word 'Guys' in work is a huge bugbear of mine," says Donal Dowling. "I prefer the infinitely more patronising 'Now boys and girls'."

29th over: West Indies 83-2 (Barath 41, Darren Bravo 27) That's the end of a decent morning for the West Indies, who played sensibly after being put in by Andrew Strauss. England were a little flat, apart from the excellent Jimmy Anderson. See you in half an hour for the afternoon session.


Depressing fact The last time West Indies won a Test in England, the first series of Big Brother was a month away. And apparently It Feels So Good by Sonique was top of the charts. No, nor do I.

1.41pm Today is a good day at work. Mainly because I'm sat to the right of Ian McCourt, the cheeriest soul on the planet. He also has a great laugh –  – and is not afraid to use it. Even if he gets few opportunities when he's sat next to me. What's the best laugh ever? Wisden Almanack editor Lawrence Booth also has a great laugh; an urgent, filthy cackle.

30th over: West Indies 84-2 (Barath 41, Darren Bravo 27) A quiet first over of the session from Broad. Which is to say, I was paying no attention because there is some sort of ludicrous photoshoot going on involving Barry Glendenning and Sean Ingle. Sorry. There is plenty of Blue Steel/Magnum action going on.

"Dennis Quaid," says Alex Book. "'Quaid' should be (and, in fact, is) the cool, gruffly shouted name of a hero in a Schwarzenegger film; 'Dennis' should be (and, in fact, is) the meekly called name of my father-in-law being summoned to the dinner table for his favourite chicken pie."

31st over: West Indies 85-2 (Barath 42, Darren Bravo 27) Barath ducks under a short one from Jimmy Anderson. As Mikey Holding says on Sky, there isn't much pace on this pitch so the short ball shouldn't be a huge problem. By getting through the first session relatively unscathed, West Indies have given themselves a great chance of posting a good first-innings total. "Another depressing fact," says Paul Frame, "is that the West Indies haven't won a series in England since Margaret Thatcher was prime minister."

REVIEW! West Indies 85-2 (Barath not out 42) , Broad continues to Barath, who survives a huge shout for LBW after feeling around an inducker. England might review this. There were two doubts: was he outside the line and were there two noises. But England are going to review it. I suspect Barath will get away with this. In fact there's a third doubt – it was a no-ball from Broad, so we don't even get as far as Hawkeye. It was only just trimming the bails anyway, so Barath would have survived.

WICKET! West Indies 86-3 (Barath c Anderson b Broad 42) Barath has gone now, and in a weird way that review did bring a wicket. He had a real windy woof outside off stump at a curving delivery from Broad. It flew to Anderson in a wide slip position; he parried it up in the air and took it at the second attempt. Anderson did really well there because the force of the edge almost knocked him backwards. That wicket came off the seventh delivery of the over – so the no-ball ultimately gave England a wicket. They also keep their two reviews; apparently you don't lose one if it's a no-ball. That must go down as the best unsuccessful review in the short history of the DRS.

32nd over: West Indies 86-3 (Darren Bravo 27, Chanderpaul 0) I'm struggling to concentrate on the cricket, such is the office focus on Dumb and Dumber Zoolander. They won't even tell us what it's for. Hopefully a police poster.

33rd over: West Indies 86-3 (Darren Bravo 27, Chanderpaul 0) Anderson twisted his right ankle as he took that catch, but he's okay to continue with the ball. He almost picks up Bravo, who tries to leave a ball that hits the face of the bat and bounces just over the stumps.

34th over: West Indies 92-3 (Darren Bravo 27, Chanderpaul 6) So now we're into Shivtime. He is top of the ICC Test rankings after another fine series against Australia. He made his Test debut 18 years ago against an England attack of Fraser, Igglesden, Lewis and Salisbury. He averages 65 in Tests against England and gets his first boundary here with a deliberate steer through the slips off Broad.

"I am going out on the lash tonight after work with every intention of getting in at 2am with a greasy kebab smeared down my suit and having a stinker of a hangover tomorrow," says Paul Jaines, mistaking this for Soulmates. "Any advice on how to then make it through the four-hour meeting I have on Friday morning from 8am? I usually find that a fry-up has a temporary effect, and that by 10am I am usually regressing. I need to create the illusion of being alert and sober. Actually, given the state I will be in tonight I would probably also welcome any advice on how to avoid my wife filing for divorce tomorrow morning." Are you over or under 30? If the former, you've no chance; you'll just have to wince and bear it and eschew breathing for the entire duration of the meeting.

35th over: West Indies 94-3 (Darren Bravo 29, Chanderpaul 6) Anderson switches around the wicket to Bravo, who waves his bat at a wider delivery to get a couple to third man. "Obviously the fuss is about a forthcoming film starring Glendenning & Ingle – The Colleagues!" says John Starbuck.

36th over: West Indies 95-3 (Darren Bravo 29, Chanderpaul 7) Chanderpaul hooks Broad round the corner and this far wide of Bell at a kind of short backward square leg position. It would have been a breathtaking catch but we know how good Bell's reactions can be. "That is a magnificent attack," says Jonny Sultoon. ". Salisbury's 7 at 39 was probably PB (SB, NR, OR, WR) for him wasn't it?" Must be. He bowled pretty well against Pakistan in his debut series in 1992 but I don't think his figures were that good.

37th over: West Indies 99-3 (Darren Bravo 29, Chanderpaul 11) Chanderpaul pulls the glove away from the bat handle after being struck by a lifter from Anderson. On Sky, Mike Atherton and Ian Botham are talking about the great square-on batsmen: Chanderpaul, Peter Willey, John Carr. . But it doesn't stop him scoring oodles of runs, as he shows by pinging Anderson in the air but wide of point for four. He's a magnificent affront to the coaching manual. "," says Eleanor Ward. "I wondered why my friends had made up silly names or wished to remain anonymous..." Oh that's just me; I'm very coy about my charity work. OKAY OKAY I WILL SPONSOR YOU LATER TODAY WHEN I'M NOT DOING THIS SILLY THING.

38th over: West Indies 100-3 (Darren Bravo 29, Chanderpaul 11) Broad has an optimistic LBW shout when Chanderpaul walks a long way across his stumps. It looked a bit high and was probably going down the leg side as well. "Afternoon Smyth, afternoon everybody," says Josh Robinson. "At a college reunion on Saturday, one of the more interesting questions I was asked was whether I was the Josh Robinson who emails the OBO. And that by a minor TV personality. Fame at last! I suppose it's better than asking if someone's married or got a proper job yet." You went to school with Fern Britton? And she reads the OBO?

39th over: West Indies 100-3 (Darren Bravo 29, Chanderpaul 11) Put the bromance on hold: Swann has dropped a sitter off Anderson. Bravo drove at a good outswinger from Anderson, edging it straight to second slip. It was catching practice, but Swann didn't even get his hands on it. It went above his cupped hands and smacked him in the chest.

"Good afternoon to you…nice to have cricket back after the madness of being a QPR fan…." says Mischa Eligoloff, who jusTHADTOBRINGITUP. "Epic weekend down here in South Devon what with the Olympic Torch arriving on Sunday – if any of your readers are from down here perhaps . It has the torch route details on it and all the activities taking place on Torre Abbey Meadows here in Torquay on Sunday afternoon – woo woo!"

WICKET! West Indies 100-4 (Darren Bravo run out 29) This is a complete shemozzle. Chanderpaul pulls Swann round the corner, takes a couple of paces down the pitch and then stops. By then Bravo is almost past him and in all sorts of trouble. The ball is fizzed to Prior, who then sends a really poor throw to the bowler Swann – but it doesn't matter, because Swann has time to dive to collect the throw, fiddle with his chin for a couple of minutes and then run Bravo out. As he does so Prior puts his glove over his face in disgust. Chanderpaul made sure he survived by grounding his bat before Bravo. That's a sad end to a confident little innings from Bravo.

40th over: West Indies 100-4 (Chanderpaul 11, Samuels 0) The new batsman is Marlon Samuels, whose batting hero is – and you'll like this – Nasser Hussain. "," says Phil Podolsky. "The fact that I produce this sound a lot, and with almost no correlation to what most people find funny, accounts for my outrageous social popularity."

41st over: West Indies 105-4 (Chanderpaul 15, Samuels 1) Chanderpaul leans into a full delivery from Anderson and times it through extra cover for four. "I just misread Salisbury's figures in Jonny Sultoon's email (36th over) as 7 for 39," says Richard Marsden. "How to describe my shock? Put it this way: I won't be wearing these underpants to church again."

42nd over: West Indies 105-4 (Chanderpaul 15, Samuels 1) Samuels survives a big shout for LBW from Swann. It was a beauty that turned sharply, but there was a bit of doubt over height and whether it did too much. Hawkeye shows it was just hitting the top of the leg bail, so England were right not to risk a review. As Mike Atherton says, that delivery would probably have been out in the winter on the low-bouncing pitches of Dubai, Abu Dhabi, Galle and Colombo. There's another shout later in the over, although he was outside the line that time. You could argue he wasn't playing a shot but it's not worth the risk. And then there's another shout next ball, almost identical. Swann likes it but there are far too many variables for a conservative reviewer like Strauss to go for it. I suspect he was right. Hawkeye shows he was outside the line (again, he might not have been playing a shot) and that it was only trimming the bails.

REVIEW! West Indies 105-4 (Chanderpaul not out 15) Chanderpaul pads up to a wonderful Anderson inswinger and is given out LBW. He has to review it, just because he's their main batsman, but he's struggling here. It hit him on the back leg – but it was missing off stump! That big walk across the stumps has saved him. What an important moment that could be. The interesting thing is that Chanderpaul very nearly didn't review it – he must have taken at least 14.743442352352 of his 15 seconds discussing it with Samuels.

43rd over: West Indies 111-4 (Chanderpaul 20, Samuels 2) Cook tenderly brushes something away from Anderson's eyelid – you wouldn't have seen Geoff Boycott doing that to Peter Willey – before the over resumes. Chanderpaul, who in a sense has already had two lives, pings another boundary through extra cover. Anderson is getting the ball to swerve nastily at the moment.

44th over: West Indies 117-4 (Chanderpaul 25, Samuels 3) Chanderpaul sweeps Swann decisively for four. That's about all I saw from that over. I'm having a bit of a shocker I'm afraid, having just taken the wheel off my chair while trying to extricate my headphones from it. My hands now stink and I have a chair wheel attached to my headphones. Why always me? ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS LISTEN TO THE CRICKET.

45th over: West Indies 117-4 (Chanderpaul 25, Samuels 3) Bresnan comes on for Anderson (16-6-41-2) and bowls a maiden to Chanderpaul. "The National Manager of the company I work for always begins his emails to his minions with the phrase 'Guy's'," says Steve Betteley. "That apostrophe is not a typo, he uses it every single time for no apparent reason. Now, whilst he is otherwise a thoroughly good egg (I say this not to curry favour, as I guarantee there is a 0.00% chance of him reading this), this habit infuriates me and – in true monkey see, monkey do fashion – other apparatchiks further down the greasy pole have begun to emulate it and my work inbox is now awash with rogue apostrophes. 'Rogue Apostrophes', by the way, is available if any budding indie bands out there are looking for a name."

46th over: West Indies 117-4 (Chanderpaul 25, Samuels 3) Swann has a slip and silly point for Samuels, who defends a few and then fails to put away a full toss. A maiden.

"As you are now providing life lessons on the OBO," honks Gareth Whitmarsh, "your assistance please…. I am due to attend the Test tomorrow and have been somewhat spooked by the reinforcement of the dress code, sent out by the MCC this week. Do I follow the advice and break out an ironic cravat and get laughed at on the tube / evening pubs / possibly club? Or shall I at least make an effort with a tie, to go with the Test standard chinos, blue shirt, jacket combo?"

Look. If everybody dressed like this – in life, not just the Lord's pavilion – the world would be a better place. Who knew you could have a pair of trousers that doubled up as a bra?

47th over: West Indies 118-4 (Chanderpaul 26, Samuels 3) Samuels pushes a good delivery from Bresnan on the bounce to third slip. "Rob," says Adam Czarnowski, "why are you commenting from a wheelchair?"

48th over: West Indies 124-4 (Chanderpaul 32, Samuels 3) That's an outstanding stroke from Chanderpaul, who drives Swann inside-out for four with perfect placement, bisecting the men at extra cover and mid off.
"It surely should be 'Rogue Apostrophe's'," says Sarafaraz Dawoodi (and Martin Gilbert).

49th over: West Indies 125-4 (Chanderpaul 32, Samuels 4) Samuels, unsettled by a Bresnan bouncer the previous ball, plays a nothing shot outside off stump and is beaten.

50th over: West Indies 126-4 (Chanderpaul 32, Samuels 5) It's a pretty quiet passage of play. Bumble is talking about Pugwash. After a number of defensive strokes in the last few overs, Samuels smacks Swann down the ground for a single. "At a previous job," begins Bethany, "there was a consultant who was paid obscene amounts to do god knows what and he used to come in once a week and greet us with "Hi team" or more irritatingly "How's my team?" as if we worked for him, the smug git." You worked with Jacob Steinberg too? Honk. Honk?

51st over: West Indies 127-4 (Chanderpaul 32, Samuels 6)
"Rob," says Adam Stead. "As soon as I read your request for the best laugh I was reminded of this line from Bull: 'And there's the 700! Raised with a tremendous six into the stands at long-on by Bresnan. Away across the office someone starts applauding. On the other side of the desk Smyth snorts and then breaks into hysterical giggles.' Worst laugh?"

Thanks Adam. .

52nd over: West Indies 127-4 (Chanderpaul 32, Samuels 6) A maiden from Swann to Samuels. "I hear Rogue Apostrophe's do a cracking cover of Girlfriend in a Comma…" apologises Stephen Wolstencroft.

53rd over: West Indies 132-4 (Chanderpaul 37, Samuels 6) Broad replaces Bresnan. England are bowling dry, which means a battle of wills. As Nasser Hussain says on Sky, you won't bore Chanderpaul out. He'll bore you real good. He'll bore you so much you'll be pleading for anything but a dot ball. After four of those dot balls, Broad goes fuller and is pushed firmly down the ground for four by Chanderpaul. "Worse than being annoyingly addressed by colleagues is being infuriatingly addressed by customers," says Sally Crooke. "One rang me once and I asked very politely 'May I help you?' to get the reply 'No dear, please put me through to someone with a brain'. One of those occasions where you spend the journey home thinking up 50 retorts..." Are there 50 variations on 'Eff off'?

54th over: West Indies 133-4 (Chanderpaul 38, Samuels 6) Swann has a strangled shout for LBW against Chanderpaul, all his hopes and dreams shattered by a pesky inside edge.

"I'm permanently disappointed by how much Friends has permeated my life," says Duncan Haskell. "So many of my pop references appear to come from a show that I can't remember ever having chosen to sit down and watch – it's as if mid-90s Manhattan schtick has seeped into my soul through some kind of osmosis. Even if someone say Rembrandt to me I'll automatically think of that fella having his Rickenbacker stroked by Jennifer Aniston."

Actually, one of the less untrendy members of the sports desk was recently trying to convince me that Friends was actually very good, and the boxset well worth a purchase. Really? I won't embarrass Scott Murray by naming him in this case.

55th over: West Indies 134-4 (Chanderpaul 39, Samuels 6) Chanderpaul is playing with intimidating certainty. Samuels hasn't really got going yet – just six from 42 balls – but he looks much more comfortable than he did early in his innings.

"Polite request for a bit of help, Rob," says Andrew Jefford. "Our team, Zenithians CC, has just arrived on tour in La Belle France. However, a number of factors – illness, personal crises, El Niño – means we've only got eight players. Anyone in the Angouleme area fancy a game this weekend? We're playing on both Saturday and Sunday. Priority places for any bowlers."

Let me know if you're interested and I'll forward your details to Andrew.

56th over: West Indies 136-4 (Chanderpaul 40, Samuels 6) Jonathan Trott is going to bowl a couple of overs before tea. That's a decent move as he should get the ball to hoop around. He does tempt Chanderpaul into a false stoke, an absent-minded fiddle outside off stump that meets only fresh air.

57th over: West Indies 140-4 (Chanderpaul 40, Samuels 10) Samuels gets his first boundary of the innings, punching a half-volley from Broad through mid off. It hasn't been a great day for Broad thus far. One more over until tea. "An old school and university colleague, who I've thankfully never worked with, used to employ "Hi Kids" as his standard greeting," says Ed Wilson. "He also once attempted to chat up a mutual friend's girlfriend with the line "Ditch the zero, get with the hero". As far as I know he's since been ostracised from our social circle, and every conceivable circle beyond that." I didn't think it was possible to get a sub-Apprentice bon mot (sic), but that might be one. Ditch the zero, get with the hero!

58th over: West Indies 146-4 (Chanderpaul 42, Samuels 14) "The OBOers are emailing dry, which means a battle of wills," says Tom Adam. But it's no good, Smyth, we'll bore you real good. we'll bore you so much you'll be pleading for emails, for anything but an empty inbox. Then you end up having to print dross like this." That's an appropriate note on which to end a muted session. West Indies will be happy enough, certainly while Chanderpaul is at the crease. I'm off to do something else with my work colleagues who I work alongside, but Rob Bagchi will be here for the final session. You can email him at [email protected].

TEA Afternoon all. Pretty absorbing day's play so far. On the subject of greetings we had a lad at school who would always say on entering a room, in the style of Rick from the Young Ones, "Hi ya fans" and then flash more peace signs than a member of the McCartney family. A former work colleague, who worked alongside us while we worked in our workplace, was fond of "Greetings, punters". All corporate emails surely should begin in the manner of Mr Burns with "Ahoy hoy". When I worked in a sports bookshop we had one customer, solely interested in non-league football, who would approach the counter on each visit and utter the frankly disturbing inquiry: "Anything fresh?"

Reet said Fred "Surely the greatest greeting, and one that could - and indeed should - be utilised by all is 'Nah then!' as immortalised by Fred Trueman on Indoor League?" posits Lee Calvert. "Just think how wonderful it would be for George Alagiah to open the BBC News with it, or David Dimbleby opening up an election all nighter, or Jim White using it to preface news of a six-month contract extension for Jason Koumas." Do you think they focus grouped that? Rejecting "Ay up" and "How do?" to go with "Nah then!" So good Jimmy Savile used it twice.

59th over: West Indies 148-4 (Chanderpaul 42, Samuels 16) Marlon Samuels takes a couple off Anderson's first ball, steering it down to third man. Odd that this is only his second Test against England, having made his debut 12 years ago albeit he missed a couple of years through suspension. Anderson is pretty much on the money the rest of the over, Samuels playingit out with a straight bat.

60th over: West Indies 151-4 (Chanderpaul 43, Samuels 18) Bresnan returns, Chanderpaul's right leg now a good three feet outside leg stump. He taps a single into the on side. "You think hearing the enquiry 'anything fresh' from a customer in a sports bookshop was disturbing? Imagine experiencing that while working in an undertakers," writes Phi Sawyer. A half-volley from Bresnan is stroked through the covers for two to bring up the 50 partnership. Our own Andy Wilsons sends evidence of Shiv's .

61st over: West Indies 153-4 (Chanderpaul 45, Samuels 18) England have adopted Plan B for Chanderpaul, reports Nasser on Sky, bowling at the stumps for leg-before. Mike Atherton theatrically yawns and Nasser mock storms out. "May I throw my hat in to the ring by fondly remembering how a friend of mine greeted us at school for many years with 'hello rat fans'", writes Stuart Wilson. "I would like to see this excellent salutation make a comeback and occasionally greet the wife in the same way. She doesn't reply and merely looks at me as if I'm a loser, which I am." Two off the over.

62nd over: West Indies 153-4 (Chanderpaul 45, Samuels 18) Bresnan bowls one of those heavy balls that Samuels inside edges on to his inner thigh. That'll smart. "Sally Crooke (over 53) ominously raises the issue of being addressed in annoying ways by customers as opposed to 'colleagues'," writes Edmund King. "When I worked at a public library in New Zealand in the late 90s, a colleague of mine came up with the genius idea of a 'ba$tard fee'. It would have a button of its own on the cash register, and you could press it whenever the customer you were dealing with did anything annoying. So you could conclude any interaction with 'That'll be $7.45, thanks. That includes your daughter's overdue fees for Weekend at Bernie's 2 and an additional 0.60 in ba$tard fees for your rude interjections and playing with your mobile phone while I was signing you up. You have a nice day!'" The libararian's version of spitting in the soup. Bresnan keeps his pecker up and sticks to the off-stump line for Samuels. Maiden.

63rd over: West Indies 156-4 (Chanderpaul 48, Samuels 18) Chanderpaul deliberately plays inside the line to Anderson's frirst ball, giving an illusion that he was beaten but he wasn't really. He then takes two with a turn of the face and then lets the next pass. A thick inside edge squirts to backward square leg and he trots one. On to the next conundrum, courtesy of Dan Catton: "Greetings is one thing but can I share my mystification with the Somerset habit of adding the word 'to' when asking where things are? For example, 'oh, where's she living to these days?' or 'where are you working to?' Does this madness occur anywhere else in the country? And can anyone explain why?"

64th over: West Indies 166-4 (Chanderpaul 49, Samuels 26) Nurdle, nudge, prod, squirt. Chanderpaul's off strike. Bresnan invites the drive from Samuels and he goes for it, getting a very thick edge flashing to the third man rope for four. He gets frour more from the next shot to the same place but with a more controlled steer past third slip. Meanwhile, in India, as Rob Smyth points out,

65th over: West Indies 167-4 (Chanderpaul 51, Samuels 26) "For Dan Catton, the people of certain areas of Yorkshire request that you are to 'have us' things. 'have us the milk', 'have us the remote', or even more grammar crushingly 'I was going to have us me tea'," writes Elliott Carr-Barnsley. There's an old, possibly apocryphal story bout us Tykes' use of the word while to mean until. "I won't see him while Wednesday." Hence when they introduced pelican crossings, the injunction not to cross "while the red man was on" caused mayhem. Shiv's got his half century after a genuine play and miss at the dogged Anderson is followed with a trademark push.

66th over: West Indies 167-4 (Chanderpaul 51, Samuels 26) Samuels goes for the pull and the ball gets up a bit quicker than he thought and he's too late on his shot to connect. Bresnan obviously thinks Samuels, a former dasher, can be tempted. He's bowling pretty well, keeping the batsmen honest and ends another maiden with a phlegmatic grin.

67th over: West Indies 181-4 (Chanderpaul 60, Samuels 31) Ah Swann's having a go from the Pavilion End now and his first one grips and spins, but slowly. Chanderpaul slog sweeps his next one in front of square for four. "Speaking of bizarre regional greetings, a friend of mine from up Carlisle-way will occasionally greet people with 'what fettle?'" writes Anil Haji. "When he does, I find myself looking around for this fettle thing he's referring to – I picture it as a small brass pot of some sort." I've heard that and "how you diddlin?" Samuels comes down the track and belts Swann for four through midwicket. He's got his dancing shoes on again next ball but Strauss stops it and he only gets one. Then Chanderpaul makes it 14 off the over with another premeditated slog sweep high and to the midwicket boundary where Swann has fielding.

WICKET!! Samuels c Bairstow b Broad 31 Michael Holding had said two balls befrore that Samuels was getting a wee bit cocky, thinking he was in and he feared a reckless shot. And lo it came, flashing a drive at Broad that flew to point and the off-duty keeper pouched it above his head and to his left.

68th over: West Indies 181-5 (Chanderpaul 60, Ramdin 0) Stuart Broad replaces Bresnan and gets his first ball to nip back and hit Samuels on the thigh pad. Chrisi Gayle's on 80 from 48 balls now. "Can I advise Lancashire fans reading this OBO not to look at their current scorecard nor the County Championship Division One table without swift access to counselling support?" notes Gary Naylor. Samuels falls for the bait or gets too over confiodent and goes. Ramdin leaves the last ball of the over, somewhat ostentatiously.

69th over: West Indies 181-5 (Chanderpaul 60, Ramdin 0) I'm getting regular updates from Rob Smyth who's watching the IPL. There's a few honks emanating from him as Chris Gayle hits six of the last eight balls he's faced for six. Swann appeals for leg-before but Chanderpaul is half a foot outside off stump so they don't review it. Another maiden. Gayle has a hundred off 53 balls.

WICKET!! Ramdin c Strauss b Broad 6 Thick edge and taken comfortably by Strauss in the slips.

70th over: West Indies 187-6 (Chanderpaul 60, Sammy 0) Ramdin plays a couple of enchanting and confident attacking shots off the first two balls, hitting four and running two. Then the third ball gets up and spears into the shoulder of the bat and Strauss moves to his right and takes it. This shorter length suits Broad more when it's not swinging. "Tennesseans, when discussing things that may need doing at some unfixed point in the future, will speak of the things they 'might ought to' do," writes Erik Petersen. "It becomes one word – miteoughta – usually preceded by 'reckon'. 'Reckon I miteoughta drive to Dandridge 'n see if they got huntin' dogs for sale seein' as Lurlene backed over Skeeter'. If you agree that the person you are conversing with might ought to do this, you need only nod and add 'reckon'. Spitting also works." In Yorkshire we say "'Appen".

71st over: West Indies 187-6 (Chanderpaul 60, Sammy 0) Robbie Smyth informs me that Chris Gayle has hit 62 off his last 15 balls. No wonder he's so happy. Maiden from Swann.

72nd over: West Indies 187-6 (Chanderpaul 60, Sammy 0) Broad continues, two for six in this spell at the start of the over. David Gower poinst out that his shorter length this spell is not as short as it was in the first four years of his Test career until the penny fropped this time last year. A fuller ball gets Sammy trying to drive and missing by a mile. Rotten shot. Another maiden.


73rd over: West Indies 191-6 (Chanderpaul 61, Sammy 3) Swann resumes and Sammy turns him to midwicket with a whip for two. "According to the commentator on ITV4 at the moment Kohli, at the other end from Gayle has licence to 'literally throw the kitchen sink' at the bowling now that they're into the final couple of overs," writes David Wall. "Perhaps that wouldn't be such a bad idea as something has to be done to handicap Gayle in Twenty20 cricket otherwise it's going to deter people from wanting to take up bowling out of fear of being humiliated. Of course, you couldn't make him use a kitchen sink as that would violate the rules against metal bats (and a porcelain basin would be even more inappropriate) but what about making him bat with a table leg, lamp stand, or broom handle? See how easily he clears the boundary then." He moves about a lot in the crease Sammy but does well to get up on his toes to pummel it through midwicket again for a single.

74th over: West Indies 195-6 (Chanderpaul 61, Sammy 7) A rather dainty pull by Sammy goes for four past the diving square leg. Nice shot if a bit effete looking for such a big lad. Bumble's claiming his going for a bohemian look with his longer hair. "More Wayne Rooney than George Clooney," he says. But "not one of them carpet jobs". My one-man campaign to get him on Desert Island Discs continues.

75th over: West Indies 198-6 (Chanderpaul 63, Sammy 8) Big shout for lbw as the ball clips Chanderpaul just abvove the knee roll but he's outside the line. Good over from Swann but the spin is a little slow. Actually, on replay it was marginally in line so a review would have been successful.

76th over: West Indies 198-6 (Chanderpaul 62, Sammy 8) With the new ball due in five overs Bresnan takes over from Broad and he almost bags him with a shot he pulls out of that spoons towards mid-on but dies before the diving Cook can get to it.

77th over: West Indies 204-6 (Chanderpaul 65, Sammy 12) Sammy belts Swann's quicker one over the top of mid-off for four after Chanderpaul takes one. The second substitute comes on, Andrew Clark for Stuart Broad. SDcott Borthwick's been on for Pietersen for quite a while.

78th over: West Indies 209-6 (Chanderpaul 65, Sammy 16) Proper pull shot from Sammy, larruping the ball from outside off stump for four right off the middle of the bat. Big appeal from Bresnan for lbw as he draws Sammy forward and it hits him on the back leg but just above the knee. It would only have skimmed the bails so it was right not to review but Bresnan is gettingSammy playing all around any pitched-up deliveries. If "Bressie Lad" doesn't, Anderson will.

79th over: West Indies 213-6 (Chanderpaul 69, Sammy 126) Swann pins Chanderpaul back for the first four balls then he skips down the track and smacks the ball his stride made into a full toss back over the bowler's head for four to go ninth on the list of all time Test runscorers above Sunil "DLF Maximum" Gavaskar.

80th over: West Indies 217-6 (Chanderpaul 73, Sammy 17) Chanderpaul ups periscope and hooks Bresnan in front of square for a couple. "Nurdle, nudge, prod, squirt" (over 64) – sounds like a blind date with Rob Smyth, " writes Tom Adam. Goodness.

81st over: West Indies 218-6 (Chanderpaul 73, Sammy 17) "Great to see Shiv taking a quick single to take on the first delivery from the new ball? A message to Lara?" writes Martin Crosoer. Chanderpaul takes a single off Anderson's first over with the new ball. Having a bit of a technical issue here.

England Review!! Chandepaul given not out leg-before. Broad immediately asks Strauss to query it but it was pitching a fraction outside leg. Not out.

82nd over: West Indies 218-6 (Chanderpaul 73, Sammy 17) Sorry about that tardiness. I've just turned it off and turned it on again and it seems to be work… er oh …

WICKET!! Sammy c Bresnan b Broad 17 Tried to turn it to leg, got a leading edge and Bresnan dived forward to claim the catch at gully. Excellent watchfulness there from the fielder. Almost everyone else was looking in the other direction.

82nd over: West Indies 219-7 (Chanderpaul 75, Roach 0) Ace catch from Bresnan finishes the over. I thought Sammy was a walking wicket for Anderson but Broad beat him to it.

83rd over: West Indies 224-7 (Chanderpaul 76, Roach 4) Anderson comes tearing in. You'd expect him to give Shiv a single but he bangs one in then makes it swing a mile away from him almost to first slip. He takes the single off the fifth ball. Huge delay while he sorts his field and Roach turns the inswinger off his toes to the fine leg boundary. "A terrible Canadian boss of mine arrived at the company and send out an email to all staff outlining his grand plans," writes John Pullman. "He signed off with one word – Onward."

84th over: West Indies 227-7 (Chanderpaul 76, Roach 4) Onward troops. Chanderpaul, in red-inker mode, takes one off the first ball, leaving Roach with a possible five to face. Two come off his first delivery with a flash low through the slips. He gets right behind the next two but has a millionaire's play and miss at one that just veered away off the pitch but he survives.

85th over: West Indies 231-7 (Chanderpaul 76, Roach 4) Anderson's getting big swing away from Chanderpaul, almost a yard with two of them, but Shiv watches them go past with the patience of a spider. Four leg-byes, from a ball at which it is debatable whether he played a shot, off the over before a big appeal for a caught behind finish it. The ball clipped his thigh pad and was nowhere near his bat. Sounded like wood, though.

WICKET!! Roach caught and bowled Broad 6 Pitched up, moved a tad and Roach tried to drive and toed it into the offside where Broad dived to his left to snaffle it. Good bowling.

86th over: West Indies 231-8 (Chanderpaul 76, F Edwards 0) So that's Broad's fifth Test Michelle and he almost picks up his sixth wicket of the day when Fidel Edwards plays and misses at the next two. That was gory Fidel. Sorry. "The ball clipped Shiv's thigh pad and sounded like wood. Does he have a very erect stance, then?" chirps Paul Ilechko. With the last ball he tries to lure him with a wide one, piched up and Edwards' eyes light up and he is through his drive textbook fashion … but misses the ball by two feet.

87th over: West Indies 231-8 (Chanderpaul 78, F Edwards 2) Anderson comes round the wicket at Chanderpaul who is happy to leave the first three then takes a single with a dab into the offside off the fourth ball. Anderson then nips one back into Edwards and almost slices him in two but Fidel is nothing if not irrepressible and drives the last one for two. "An ex-RAF co-worker of mine insists on greeting you with 'As you were'," writes Phil Sawyer. "I'm always tempted to collapse into a crumpled sobbing heap on the floor as if he'd interrupted me mid-breakdown." Is it Tony Selby of Get Some In! fame?

88th over: West Indies 231-8 (Chanderpaul 86, F Edwards 2) A short ball from Broad is battered through square leg by Chanderpaul for four and he hooks the next one too with the same result. At least it keeps Fidel on strike.

89th over: West Indies 242-8 (Chanderpaul 86, F Edwards 4) An acrobatic and effective diving stop from Pietersen after Edwards fended one off through point keeps the No10 batsman on strike. Anderson is aiming to get him to drive but not too soon, or trying not to telegraph his intentions. He plays the shorter one well and takes two past cover point with a forceful deflection rather than a genuine attacking shot. Two balls to go. Time for the big inswinger. Edwards plays the first well, head over the ball, straight bat. Big smile. The next doesn't swing and Edwards easily fends it off.

WICKET!! Edwards c Prior b Broad 4 Excellent diving catch by Prior, taking it inches off the ground just in front of first slip. Broad's sixth wicket.

90th over: West Indies 243-9 (Chanderpaul 86, Gabriel 0) Last over of the day and Chanderpaul decides to get off strike as soon as he can so turns Broad's first ball to midwicket and takes one. Four slips and a gully for Edwards who plays straight with his defensive shots. He could have had one with a stopped drive to mid-on but Chanderpaul sends him back. He's out next ball and that's the close of play.

Close of play Six wickets for Stuart Broad and if you put a side in and take nine on the first day you would have to be content. But for Chanderpaul's persistence and skill West Indies would have been in a deep hole but there is a selfishness about his batting, sacrificing Darren Bravo and, indeed, Fidel Edwards and it makes you understand why Michael Holding concedes that he's very, very good but not a great. And for other reasons, particularly that his batting rarely wins matches and didn't even from 1994-2000 when West Indies had a very good side. Anyway, thanks for your emails. Rob Smyth and John Ashdown will be here tomorrow. Night!